Every single mistake, every single weakness, every single dip in energy level seems to result in so much outrage.
How dare you be human?
How dare you have needs and struggles?
And if I ever end up in a meltdown - the consequences have often been catastrophic.
I'm so tired of this constant double standard, of what I can expect vs what's expected of me. The discrepancy is so wild it's unbelievable.
I've been groomed since childhood to fulfil this shitty role. Fucking patriarchy.
---
My #1 quality? Being reliable.
I am this over-functioning, self-sufficient, multitasking, hypervigilant quiet woman.
I'm not fun. I'm not entertaining. I'm not loud. I'm not attractive. I'm not even interesting any more.
I'm just very, very tired.
But reliable.
---
She just fell asleep alone, in a different room, for the very first time ever.
There's no need for tears, she's 7.
And yet.
It's so much more bitter than sweet right now.
---
Maybe it's not about being reliable.
Maybe it's about being indispensable so that I don't get forgotten.
---
Maybe it's not about being flawless.
No, fuck that, this one is not on me.
Groomed.
Fucking patriarchy.
