Somewhere.

Am i ever going to settle somewhere ? And do i care for a permanent settlement ? I mean, really ?
There are very few permanent things in my life.
Well, actually, apart from my watch, which has been around my wrist days in and days out for the last 13 years, i don't owe anything ancient, i don't have any permanent attachment - ok, Dad aside, he's been the only constant feature of those last 30 years, even if sometimes i feel like i would have been better off him. [Note the "sometimes". This is the result of nearly 2 years of therapy. I've accepted that i love my Dad, these days.]
Anyway, my point is: should i buy a home ? Should i change nationality ? Should i apply for adoption ? Should i believe that my life is here, in Britain ? Or should i just carry on, living a week at a time ?
I know, there shouldn't be any "should" or "shouldn't".
I've got the impression that i've stopped being constructive, that i'm just enjoying my daily life, without planning ahead. I guess this isn't exactly new - when was the last time i planned something for fuck sake ? In a previous life ? I'm one of those who go with the flow, life carries me more than i carry my life. But as long as i was a student, i was permanently evolving, learning, working my way towards another qualification, another measurable achievement.
Nowadays, nothing's measurable really. (Except my weight every morning, but it ain't exactly what i call a daily achievement, trust me on that one.) Obviously, my fucking job doesn't help in this department... well, i guess it would, if i was successful, which i'm not. And it's somehow frustrating, to know that you're not successful despite being good at what you're doing. But here is not the point. At least not tonight.
Not that i have any idea of tonight's point, mind you.
I just figured out that since Jean won't be listening to me tomorrow, i may as well just speak to myself on a keyboard.
Probably my greatest achievement of the day. Well, that and turning the TV off before 4.00PM on a freaking sunday, i guess.
I have no idea why i enjoy being rude when i speak english. But i do. I really fucking do.
Anyway.
I may actually have found my point.
There's something i do want.
Desperately.
Which is probably the reason why i've yet to succeed in obtaining it.
I just want to fit in somewhere.