Tout dort et je veille.

I had never thought that waiting all day long could be so exhausting and nerve racking. But i'm learning, and fast. It's all a bit surrealistic though, typing those words from my gran's laptop, while her sofa-bed awaits me after a day that seemed so long that i can't believe i've only been here 3 days. My great-aunt is moving in her bed in the room next door, and i know she won't sleep before long, before her pills knock her down, because being tired isn't always enough to find a way to sleep.
It's somehow weird how you get used to that routine of going to the hospital twice a day, trying to enjoy and support at the same time, never knowing how she's going to be, whether she's going to be with us or not, how long she's going to be there, whether she'll ever improve or not. But i don't cope so well with the mood swings, with not knowing what to do or how to be helpful, with being there with my useless hands, trying to understand how i fit in this moment and why it is that i feel so inadequate, and at the same time so indispensable, because it would have been far too tough for one of us to be on her own right now.
It's hard to think that no matter what, i'll eventually have to go away, to come home to the lab at the latest next monday, because life doesn't just stop because your granny is at the end of the road.
And i can't bring myself to face the fact that after having abandoned my dad's mum, i may have to abandon my mum's mum too.
En direct de Montreuil et pas du tout au labo, c'était kiara @ tard, puisqu'il fait noir.